High Expectation - and a bit crazy

I no not care anymore about the whole usual rhythm of the year.
At Christmas I did not let myself been carried away by the kitschy cute mood, and now the whole carneval season does not touch me at all.
Everybody is cheery, makes fun and jokes, on TV, on radio.
I instead, fighting my inner struggles, know what I want.
I will drive to town, to pick her up.
I love her, I know it.
And C?
I no not know.
I believe that I have to treat her very badly, so that she is scared away from me. I cannot tell her.
Let's see what I am going to do now.