For crying out loud!
God has won.
I have lost.
The personal will has been defeated.
By the Christian conscience.
Again and again I have tried and attempted.
Again and again I failed.
It was over my head, I could not do it.
Such a difficult thing is just too much for me.
Suicide? Maybe. No!
First I will become (un)happy with C.
Oh man, I almost was crying!