Failed - but I give not up!

So, now is the first half of this book filled.
Filled with my life, my feelings, success and failure,
happiness, and a lot of bad luck.
How will the 2nd half look?
What else will be in this book?
Summer '81.
The switches have been set, but still can be changed.
Nothing is reliable.
Everything is moving.
Tomorrow I will visit Bee.
That is my contribution to switch setting.
The rest is done by god and by the other people.
Now turn the book by 180 deg - and keep on reading.

(turning the book, as I now will write on the back side of the pages)

everybody there?
good.
It continues.
Today is the Sunday before carneval.
I nerd am sitting here and listening to the radio.
The parents have noticed something, yesterday, after my misfortnuate attempt to see her.
I went there to the school where the bus was supposed to arrive, was pretending to fix something at my bicycle, then suddenly the teacher appeared which had accompanied them! They are already back, had arrived two hours earlier!
Bad luck.

It is quite funny how the parents try to consolate me! I have not told them anything, nor am I going to, but my sad face obviously speaks the truth out.
They understand some things, but they give so smart and diplomatic advice which I cannot adhere.
"see, that is how they are, the bitches"
"that is why you should not get involved"
"I would show them, I would only once let this happen!"

Well meant, but they do not know how I feel.
Bee, I love you!
Tomorrow I will come to you.
Hopefully C will not call...
Oh my god, what am I doing?
I feel sorry for her
But no matter what, tomorrow I drive to Bee.
I love you!