Desperate

I cannot stand it anymore. The more I think about it, the more I dig myself into a downward spiral of desparation.
What is B doing? Saturday evening, she suddenly was always near R. A new development. 
R. A. I am going mad.
The situation seems to be finished.
Built, obstructed.
I am completely lost in all my actions / nonactions. 
I know what I want!
Cannot anymore... the trip, the catastophy.
No hope anymore.
I cannot cry at all, dry.
Maybe I will soon be dead, having jumped down through a window.
I am tired. tired of life.
But there is still that little spark of hope in me, which keesp me alive.
It is her, B.
But in reality there are so many possibilities!
But I cannot anymore.
I will not go to the school celebration this week. I know this since this past cruel Wednesday. Instead I will go to the theatre. 
Yesterday and today I was studying like crazy. Math, Social, etc. I am afraid of the coming math exam.