Visiting Bee

So, this time nothing did interfere.

I did not tempt fate and did not go with my brother's bicycle, just to avoid having another pedal breaking off.
But the sky looked as if it would rain soon. Again some interference?

In the 6th hour physics. Having to pass Ch's classroom. Fortunately she is not outside. Done.
After the end of classes as quick as possible out. But shortly before me she turns into the stream of other pupils leaving school. I slow down. She does not look back, does not notice me. I walk very slowly, and I succeed in not getting seen by her.

Down to the bicycle cellar, getting the bicycle, up and gone. But there ahead are Bee and St. I am too fast, slow down, turn away, make a detour. This should give Bee enough time to get home.

We will see. I am determined to visit Bee today, and nothing can deter me this time. Stopping at the railway crossing for a train. Oh, there is Ch walking! I should have turned into another side street... I look straight ahead, pretend not to notice her. Should she see me and call for me, then I will tell her that I am on the way to the bicycle store to get my pedal fixed.

Now I am at the bottom of the steep hill. I cycle a bit, then push the bicycle. It is very warm and humid.

The garage is open, her bicycle is not yet in it.
I ring the door bell, her mother opens, lets me in. Gives me an orange juice and a pile of Geo magazines. I am sweating from that steep hill. Slowly I calm down. Then Bee comes. Smalltalk. She seems happy. I am invited for lunch. Small arguments between her and her mother, I stay out of it. Is slightly embarrassing for me. I finish my orange juice, then I go, do not want to keep them from eating.

Bee seems to be annoyed because of her mother. I do not know really what to do. Am getting annoyed too. On the way home even more so. What had I actually planned to do?

Feeling good

In the last 2 weeks after the holidays a decisive important change has occurred: the noticeable external renunciation from Ch.

I am hiding during the breaks, avoid any contact with her and let her feel it that way. When I happen to meet her then, I am of course very friendly. Not a bad word, no angry face. Bur she will feel it.

I do not have a bad conscience. I am calm, do this all with an incomprehensible naturalness.

On Sunday I got unexpected boost. After the morning worship service, how she pressed my hand, how she looked at me... there I know it. It was all clear.
On Monday I visited her. Just like that. For plain talking, small talk. About her holiday, future professions, etc. A quite normal chat.
Of course still did not feel that well, this is understandable, after all what had happened.

A brief innuendo to our ski holiday, an embarrassed laughter, then away from that topic. The big talk will still come. Or not. Maybe I again will fail, like in January. Tomorrow I will visit her again. Just like that!