Day 8.

Today we went skiing into that neighbouring larger skiing area. I was skiing mostly alone, as B kept staying with A and M. I discover for myself the nice ski slopes in distant valleys. I enjoy the view from the top of the mountains around to other mountains. And I enjoy skiing.

It is not overly sunny but mostly overcast, but the clouds and especially the evening lighting give a special light on the sky. I breath in deeply and enjoy the sights, the view, the motion while skiing.

After dinner I go again to the cemetery. Almost one hour I spend there, in between the graves, and I am crying. Am not ashamed, the dead will understand, they know everything, I do not have to explain.

Again in the lodge I go to the bathroom, have my music notes with me, write down a few chords. I cannot go into the group, they will all see my desperation. Maybe I should take an overdose of headache pills, which one of the guys has in his supplies?

Some fun later in the evening: B is reading aloud to me 100 reasons for committing suicide, from an article she found in a magazine. How fitting! Then I am in A's room, just joking around.

I am giving up on B.