Being powerless

Powerlessness.
That is the worst.
One wants to steer and cannot.
Everything runs against.
I try to intervene, to act, (I did today, I wished luck and best wishes, I tried everything today int he break), but all in vain.
I am powerless, am subjected to whatever happens by this inhuman god.
Nobody helps me.
Completely alone I stand here.
Ok. A deviating from the way so far. Again new. 
I feel so empty. I am dizzy during the turn.
I cannot make it.
A lot of broken glass.
Deep inside I still do not give up, but around it everything is empty.
I cannto cry, I feel being robbed, betrayed by god.
Now not even nature tells me something, I can nowhere discover beautiy or harmony in anything.
Soon I am completely dead.
Or totally crazy.
But still nothing is lost yet.
I feel like drinking alcohol. Something. Champagne, wine, punch, something.