Yes, I wrote a Letter

The winter holiday trip moves into the far past. Was just 2 months ago.
Today for the first time this year there is in the air such a smell of spring.
So wet, humid, fresh, so warm.

I have written Bee a letter. When I came back from the disastrously devastating visit this morning, I ran to my desk, took out a piece of paper, and began to write. Directly from the heart. I wrote her "I love you". Yes, I wrote it. I was almost in a trance, did not allow andy resonable thought enter my brain and mind. I kept writing. Then put it into an envelope, drove to the post office, bought a stamp, and put it into the mailbox. I felt some reasoning that tried to keep me back. But I surpressed it.

Once the letter was gone, I let my reason come back. And I wanted to get the letter out again, hold it back. Too late, and I am glad for it.

I wrote to her that I want to meet her. I told the place and the time. No more coming to her home, where the embarrassing moments with her mother could be, or with R who would be waiting in the back, with his motorcycle. I chose a neutral place, in the middle of the town, in the open.

I was extreme, I want the decision. Either she is swayed by this, or she is not. In the latter case, I will finally have clarity. I will then move on.