And it begins again...!

Now, after a long time of quiet, the horror again begins! I am getting crazy!
I still live her! SHIT!
I thought that I have gotten rid of this love. But it starts all over again.
Or maybe I have an imaginary image of her in me, something that I just imagine about her, like one year ago? Very likely.
But how and when will I get rid of this imaginary dream image?
It prevents me from living, it ruins everything,
oh, I could cry now, so much do I love her! CRAZY!
At this moment I would like to kill myself. Erase everything with it.
It cannot be - I am really mad at myself that everything starts now all over again.